Gandhi inspires us with the words:  “BE  the change you wish to see in the world…I believe global peace starts at the individual level and self compassion is a means to that peace…however it is often misunderstood and not practiced enough.

This past year I have been exploring self compassion practices with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield as a means to help with difficult times.  I am loving the resiliency and fresh outlook that results when I can actually do it.  I notice a greater sense of well-being, connection and care for myself which in turn widens the care I can offer to others in my life.

The hardest part is the remembering and discipline to do it.

I have found that it takes courage to care —especially for my SELF and especially in a culture which fears it. The polling on self compassion revealed 5 common misunderstandings:

1. Pity Party. Self compassion = pity party. No one likes someone who is having a pity party.

2. Weak. Males especially did not like the idea of feeling weak and soft.

3. Self indulgence. People believed self compassion was just about being “nice” to your self and giving your self lots of pleasure and doing whatever you wanted.

4. Selfish. Self absorbed. Narcissistic.

5. The #1fear of self compassion— it will undermine your motivation. If you were compassionate to your self you would get soft and lose your drive and you would not achieve your goals. So…better to criticize your self.

As you can see it takes courage to care—especially if you identify with any of these 5 misunderstandings.  The good news: Self compassion is no longer a nice idea.  It is well researched with over 1200 articles of hard empirical data to show that all these fears of self compassion are false.

As I continue to explore and practice self compassion, I have noticed that it takes discipline.  For example, when I am triggered by my teenager or co-worker it does not feel natural to pause and experience compassion for my predicament.  I am usually hijacked by immediate feelings of bodily discomfort and a waterfall of reactive thoughts.  If I manage to keep my mouth shut— I will remove, distance and distract myself from what is terribly unpleasant.  I honestly don’t want to deal with it.

But when the dust settles and when I can remember to discipline myself into a quiet, compassionate moment “that difficulty” looses it’s dominion over me and I am able to see differently— myself, others, and even a bigger picture of the world to which I belong.

Instead of pushing down the unpleasantness, wearing it on my tissues and allowing it to cloak and dampen my outlook I am learning there is another way.

Self compassion can be an important coping mechanism.

In order to qualify as self compassion these 3 components must be exercised:

1. Mindfulness: being with the pain/discomfort without avoiding or getting carried away with it.

2. Kindness: treating oneself the same way one would treat a good friend. Notice the motivation “to do something about it”.  This would also include supporting and protecting oneself and sometimes saying NO to things that are harmful.

3. Shared humanity: This is really important for distinguishing self-compassion from self-pity. This is the acknowledgment that the human experience is imperfect and that all people lead imperfect lives and make mistakes. All people are flawed.  So “just like me" others encounter challenges and hardships.   This realization helps one to stop over identifying with the situation and realize there is a greater sense of connection and belonging.

As creatures of comfort—it takes discipline to NOT resist but lean into the discomfort. Science also says that humans share a negativity bias which is why self criticism might feel more familiar then self kindness.

But here is the thing: It feels good to care—and humans evolved to care.  It is what separates us from reptiles.  When we give others or ourselves care/compassion (things are pretty much the same either direction)— what we're doing is tapping into the caregiving evolutionary system of our brain.  A reward is felt in the body and we become our own pharmacy.  It feels good because the physiology of self compassion is oxytocin and opiates while the physiology of self criticism is cortisol and adrenaline.   

If you ask people how they treat themselves when they're challenged, fail or make a mistake versus how they treat their friends, most people respond that they treat themselves radically differently.

What would it be like to receive the same caring attention from yourself when you needed it most?

There's a lot of research done with veterans, people going through divorce and/or people dealing with major health issues that said their practice of self-compassion increased their strength and resiliency. It did not make them weak, soft, self absorbed nor self indulgent.

Consider this:

Your child or a child has come to you and is very upset.  Would you offer this child 10 cookies, 5 bowls of ice cream and all the screen time in the world?  Or would you look into their eyes and sincerely acknowledge their feelings as important and real?

Would you tell this child to go take a hike because you are too busy right now and they are being ridiculous?  Or would you be kind, welcoming and even remind them that other children experience difficulty and that they are not alone.

What if this child was your inner child?

What does a self compassion practice look like?

1. To the degree that it is possible— turn towards where the suffering is and be willing to be touched by it.

2. Respond in some way with kindness and care. For some it might take the form of prayer or chanting. For others it might take the form of resourcing to the great sky, the mother, Jesus, or the buddha. The idea is to remember that it is not the small self that has to hold all the suffering. For others it might look like active service. Everyone is different—so it is important to know what works for you.

3. Remember the shared humanity component—you are not alone. We are all filled with unrealistic self demands and expectations and ultimately we are not perfect and we do make mistakes.

What we give is what we get back.  If you give yourself compassion what you get back is more compassion for your self and others.  In a world that appears to be burning, in a world of mass shootings and heart break, in a world of global unrest…compassion can and will make a difference one human at a time.

It takes courage and discipline to hack our autopilot states of reactivity and awaken our mind to new possibilities of being and doing.   But with practice we can collectively learn to expand awareness, strengthen our minds and cultivate more states of resiliency and well being which again represents the inner light we all value.

It is never too late in life to learn and apply something new. The ground under our feet is our shared humanity.  Earth needs us more than ever to find the courage to care, while invoking receptivity and patience towards ourselves and the ones we call “others”—because in the end we are all in this together.

Looking to know more or view the science on Self Compassion?

Dr. Kristin Neff—take a survey—how compassionate are YOU really?

https://self-compassion.org

Radical Compassion by: Tara Brach

written by: Jennifer Reuter

“Health is a large word.  It embraces not the body only, but the mind and spirit as well: and not today’s pain or pleasure alone, but the whole being and outlook of a man.”—James West

To live a life in harmony free from physical, mental and emotional pain is something we all value.  Today is a great day to tune into your own health. Any tweak or improvement you can make will have a positive effect— no matter what your age.

This blog focuses on “exercise for different decades of life”.  Exercise is one of the key components to increased health span.  Most people confirm it is not about how long you live…it is about how well you live.

From the time we take our first inhale to the time we take our last exhale we have a body.  It is a miraculous gift.  It is one that needs constant “kind” attention and applied effort no matter what age you are.

There are different considerations for each decade of life that will help to increase not just your life span but your health span.

Scroll down to view your decade of life.  Truly you might find some inspiration in any of the decade categories so scroll the decade above and below yours —if you want to take a deeper dive there are books recommended at the end.

In addition to the inspiration for each “decade” you may want to take time to:

review the guidelines set by ACSM (American College of Sports Medicine).

Which one of the ASCM guidelines could YOU bring more attention towards TODAY?

ACSM GUIDELINES:

• All healthy adults aged 18–65 yr should participate in moderate intensity aerobic physical activity for a minimum of 30 min on five days per week, or vigorous intensity aerobic activity for a minimum of 20 min on three days per week.

• Every  adult  should  perform  activities  that  maintain  or  increase  muscular  strength and endurance for a minimum of two days per week.

• Every adult should perform stretching equal to or greater than 2-3 times per week. Daily stretching is most effective. Holding a static stretch for 10-30s is recommended for most adults however in older adults holding a stretch for 30-60s may confer to greater benefit toward flexibility.

• One day of rest

Exercise For Your Decade:

In your 20’s:

Enjoy youth—This decade is about discovery.  Discover movement and exercise you love while learning proper form. Proper alignment and form teaches you about your biomechanics and it helps set good habits for future decades ahead. You can get away with abusing and overworking your body (even with poor alignment)—but that doesn’t mean you should.  20 somethings tend to gravitate to cardio but don’t forget the other ASCM guidelines.

You are also increasing bone density which will be crucial for staying active later on and preventing osteoporosis.  YES— prevention starts now.

Start countering your student career by learning Yoga.  Yoga not only unwinds text neck, slumped shoulders and couch potato low back but yoga also inspires one to get still and resource well being from “within”.  This helps build the resiliency needed for the future decades when your life demands that you be all that you can.

In your 30’s:

This is often the decade for career and family.  Aging and weight gain begin to surface.  If you’re not doing any regular physical activity around the age of 35, you will start to experience a loss of muscle mass.

If you have not added strength training now is the time.   Strength training is essential for many reasons: it elevates human growth hormone & the more muscles you have the more calories you will burn at rest.

If you have not been successful in adopting an exercise routine you might consider hiring a personal trainer or going to group classes. One hour of circuit training (cardio and resistance) can combine both your cardio and strength.

Be a mover.  Take the stairs instead of the elevator.  Park the car further away so you walk.  Get a standing desk.  Switch your exercise routine so your body doesn’t get use to the same thing.  You are setting habits for the future decades.  Every bit of movement matters and can provide significant benefits.

In your 40’s:

Gravity has now had 3 decades to pull things down.  Hormones are a topic along with slower metabolism.  Remind yourself that exercise is the number one form of preventive medicine and every time you get interrupted, side tracked or fall off the wagon—find your super power to start again!

If you just started exercising at 40—congratulate yourself!  You have this—invest in a trainer learn pilates or take some group classes.

Exercise is starting to change in this decade.  It takes a little longer to recover and if you miss a night of sleep it can really slow you down the next day.  Aches and pains are creeping in.

This decade is about precision and form, quality not quantity.  Hold positions longer with more control—you will be surprised at the “aha’s you will discover”!

If you have been running, playing tennis or only doing asthanga/bikram yoga (set sequence) for the last 2 decades you might want to consider something new.  The body needs fresh stimulus to stay optimized.  Be open to trying a new fitness class.

HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) or working out with a pattern that builds to “microbursts of physical intensity”  helps produce a positive biological response. It not only helps promote muscle-building hormones while increasing caloric expenditure but it also improves muscle elasticity and turns on longevity genes.  But remember this decade you can’t afford to be sloppy.  Moving fast without awareness of form and alignment can be a disaster. It also takes longer in this decade to recover so make sure you have enough down time for maintenance and repair.

Posture is everything: think pull in and up.  Whether you are in the grocery store, doing the dishes, walking down the street, pull your chin in, engage your core in and up and bring shoulders back and down. All day long…find good posture.

YOGA.  This will help to manage stress, build balance, maintain posture and improve your flexibility.  Roll it out.  If you have not started rolling your fascia try to incorporate this in a couple of times a week.

In your 50’s:

“Do no harm”. Adopt this mantra.

As you get older, your capacity to heal lessens— so adapt your fitness routine as your body changes.  Be open to gentler workouts and if something hurts don’t do it.

If you are not active—start now because it is never too late. Entry point exercises include: walking 10 min a day and increasing that by 5 min each week, restorative yoga, gentle yoga, yin, beginners pilates, Tai Chi as well as aqua classes.

If you are “new” to exercise there are “sensations” that come with muscle fatigue. In the beginning this can often get confused as “pain”.  With practice you will learn the language of your own body and you will be able to discern if something is truly painful because it is out of alignment or if there are lots of “sensations” from getting stronger.

If you are active you might have noticed that the recovery time takes longer now.  If you had a strong bike ride, run or HIIT class trying to repeat that the next day is NOT recommended.  It is important now to warm up before exercises and add longer stretches at the end of your routine.

If you can’t run pain free anymore…ride a bike or go for a swim.

If you are attached to your activities and consider them as part of your identity—think about the longevity of your muscles and joints.  Think twice before wearing them out.

Take care of today and the future will take care of itself.

Rolling on foam rollers or therapeutic Tune Up Balls is just as important as exercise. A few times a week for at least 10 minutes can help loosen the fascia and help muscles work better.  Rolling can be your first line of defense against hip or knee replacements.  Rolling coupled with yoga or stretch is an excellent way to get both in.

Posture. All day long.  Scan the decade above (In your 40’s).

In your 60’s:

Average age of retirement is 62.  If your career left you hustling for the last couple of decades and you have struggled with lack of time…NOW is the time to make your health and movement a priority.  You want to dodge assisted living as long as possible.

Problems like arthritis, bad knees, and spinal stenosis (a narrowing of the spaces between bones that can put painful pressure on the spinal cord) become common.  Don’t give up on exercise.  Talk with your doctor, physical therapist, and the experts in fitness.

Aquatic fitness classes, a healthy choice at any age, are a good option for exercise because they use a lot of muscle mass while reducing stress on your joints. Gentle yoga classes are another wonderful option and they incorporate balance and light strength.

Decline in strength is lack of use.  Make sure you are getting resistance training.

Group classes are a great way to combine physical activity with social time.  Social connection is important for health.  If you are recently retired, it can be an effective way to make new friends.

In your 70’s:

They say the seventies are like the sixties now.  What are numbers anyway?  Continue to stay active in the movements you love.  Staying strong and flexible now will help you maintain your independence longer.  If you have access to a gym—the fitness machines can reduce impact on your joints.  If you feel the effects of arthritis, don’t let it stop you from doing cardio.  Look for types that can reduce impact on your joints.

Tai Chi, dance and yoga all help to move the body in many directions while incorporating BALANCE.  This is not only good for connective tissue but neurologically helps stimulate the circuits of the brain.

Balance is crucial.  Balance daily. When you are brushing your teeth, shaving, cooking.

Don’t push your body

In your 80’s:

Congratulations!  The average adult life span in the United States is 78 years. Keep going and it is always good to remember that you are never to old to learn something new. Learning new movement skills helps your brain as well as your body.

Resistance training equals independent living.  Balance, walk and respect your age.

“Brain gym”.   Don’t be afraid of technology. Every time we get confused or we learn something new—the circuits of the brain fire to keep us younger.

The pandemic has increased possibilities for on-line learning.  In the comfort of your own home you can keep stimulated and even take some age appropriate exercise classes.

In your 90’s:

Never stop exercising. If you have made it this long—keep doing what you are going.   You can add muscle mass at any age—strength training is a must even if it is a few minutes at a time.  Whatever physical activity you can do, do it as often as possible.  Keep balancing as often as you can remember.

Bottom line: It is never too late to start.

With practice and in time you can become your own personal wellness coach and learn to sense what you need when you need it.  Now that is empowerment!

Book Recommendations (also used for this Blog):

Age-Defying Fitness

The New Rules of Aging Well

Lifespan: Why We Age—and Why We Don’t Have To

written by: Jennifer Reuter